I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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