anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
