Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
