Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
