I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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