there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
