she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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