Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
