You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
