I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
