if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.