Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
