Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry