I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.