hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just had sex bonerless
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.