I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.