and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family