y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
