My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize