So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
