I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
