you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
