I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
