There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
