it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize