If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
