pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
