Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
