U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.