He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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