When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
