Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset