she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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