shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.