Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.