Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
