He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
