Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
