I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
