Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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