Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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