Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
