she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You need a sexual gate keeper
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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