No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
