WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
