somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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