She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
