just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
