Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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