I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
