When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
