i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My penis needs a shock collar
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
