last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I party with great urgency now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
