he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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