I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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