JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
