i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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