remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
