can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize