fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize