I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
