She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
