Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
