I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
