Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
