Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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