my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize