Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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