I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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