i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
