Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
