careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
