I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
