there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
