She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
