I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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