dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I could fuck to npr.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
