somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
