this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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