i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
