She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
