i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
