it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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