I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
