erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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